Thursday, August 07, 2008

The Dear Lily Advice Column

Dear Lily,

My Mom is always shushing me when we are out in public. What is that all about, can’t a kid speak outside the home?

Mystified in Manakin

Dear Misty,

This is a problem that many kids have; the speed at which a Mom can whip her head around to shush a kid is astounding. Adults are constantly shushing kids, at home, in church, at school, in public. Honestly, it sometimes sounds like they have all sprung leaks. I have discovered through thousands of hours of research that you have to be SO careful about what you say in public. For instance, my Mom totally freaked when I pointed out the Genie at Target. Turns out he wasn’t a genie after all, just a man in a turban. Well, for heaven’s sake, how did I know!? He was really very nice though, and offered to give me a wish. One look at Mom’s red face said that I had better wish for understanding. Sometimes you even get shushed at home, is nowhere sacred? My Mom just shushed me the other day at dinner. She asked what happened at school that day and I told her that JoAnn picks her nose and eats it. Mom turned green and almost jumped out of her chair with the shushing. “Well, she does!” I offered in defense. Mom said that she really didn’t need to know that particular fact about JoAnn. Well, she DID ask what happened at school, and that was what happened! A related problem that goes hand in hand with shushing is how parents are always keeping secrets from you because they are afraid of you repeating the secret. My Mom refuses to tell me how old she is for this very reason. I try daily to trick her into telling me by springing the question on her at unexpected times, but so far, the score is Mama 204, Lily 0. But as the result of intensive questioning and suggestion, I have at least narrowed it down to somewhere between 25 and 82. So my advice would be to try to speak softly in public, whisper if possible and try not to point, Moms just hate when you point. Chin up, in fewer years than you can imagine, your parents will be begging you to talk to them about even the most mundane of occurances. Good luck Misty.
KKW ©2008


Judy said...

You can narrow it down if you know how old she was when she married. Then add the age of the oldest child. That will give you a ballpark figure. Then tell her you know how old she is. If it's too high she will get upset. If it's too load she won't get to out of sorts.

Give it a shot.


Beverly said...

What wise advice!! Brilliant even.